July 5th, 2026 - In Spotlight and Shadow: A Short Review of Guitarist Ruud Jolie's Wonderful Book

 

Goedendag rockers, rollers, and headbangers!  Your heavy metal beer drinking pal the Meista here today with something a little bit different for you... a book review!  

I recently finished reading In Spotlight and Shadow: My Road Trip with Within Temptation, a book by Within Temptation guitarist Ruud Jolie.  In a word… FANTASTIC!!!  This book is as engaging and edifying as it is entertaining and hilarious!  It isn't an autobiography, but rather a fascinating and very poignant behind the scenes look at touring with Within Temptation for the past 24+ years.  It is honest, witty, and an absolute joy to read.  From his early days with the band to more recent tours, Ruud presents a wonderful tapestry woven from his experiences and photos (good and bad) of tours, fans, beers, food, his bandmates, other musicians, his history as a musician, his own insecurities, and Star Wars.  And all told with warmth, depth, and humor.  I don't want to ruin anything, so I won't go into detail about the stories he shares, but if you are a fan of Within Temptation or just a fan of rockin' music in general, you will most definitely love this book!

Details: 

• Title: In Spotlight and Shadow: My Road Trip with Within Temptation
• Author: Ruud Jolie
• Publication date: September 1st, 2025
• Publisher: Pumbo.nl
• Pages: 288

You can purchase Ruud's book here: 

• https://www.within-temptation.com/products/in-spotlight-and-shadow-my-road-trip-with-within-temptation-by-ruud-jolie-paperback?srsltid=AfmBOornJEOIx9NQuffVKIKgkNfXTq0sa1zmbG5lzNs6bm-5D_IUTo-E

Check out Within Temptation here:

• https://www.within-temptation.com/
• https://www.facebook.com/wtofficial
• https://www.instagram.com/wtofficial/

And make sure to check out my interview with Ruud from 2024 here: https://youtu.be/qbD4PE3vvs4

Go buy Ruud's great book In Spotlight and Shadow: My Road Trip with Within Temptation today!!  I seriously couldn’t put this book down… it's a real page turner.  I finished it in only a few days and plan on re-reading it again soon!

Proost and hails!!

Photo of Ruud by me from January 2023 at the Neushoorn in Leeuwarden, the Netherlands

July 5th, 2026 - The Big Bad Baptist Macaron is a Carnivore Sublime

 

Bonjouir and happy Sunday evil-doers, hellions, headbangers, and craft brew lovers!  Your drinking buddy the (not-so) right Reverend Meista here getting a little blasphemous, aggressive, very dark, and a little French... ready to indoctrinate you with the "Carnivore Sublime / Brutalive The Sick" album by French death metal monsters Benighted!  I'm pairing this evil brilliance with a deliciously bold and boozy Big Bad Baptist Macaron from Epic Brewing Company!  Hell to the fuck yeah, brothers and sistas!!  Can I get an amen?!

Album Info:

• Artist: Benighted
• Title: "Carnivore Sublime / Brutalive The Sick"
• Recorded: 2013 at  Kohlekeller Studios in Seeheim, Germany and 2014 live at Sylak Open Air 
• Release date: February 14th, 2014 (7th full-length studio release and 1st live album by Benighted)
• Record company: Seasons of Mist
• Production: Kristian Kohlmannslehner
• Album cover art: Avernus (artwork) and Xavier "Guzul" Bernard (artwork and photography)
• Personnel: Adrien Guérin (guitars and backing vocals), Eric Lombard (bass and backing vocals), Julien Truchan (lead vocals), Kevin Foley (drums), and Olivier Gabriel (guitars)
• Additional musicians: Michael Kern (additional vocals on "June And The Laconic Solstice"), Niklas Kvarforth (additional vocals on "Spit"), and The Collapsed and Naked Disfigured Yo-Grut (additional vocals on "Les Morsures Du Cerbère")
• Musical style: Brutal death metal with elements of blackened death metal and grindcore
• Sound: Innovative, aggressive, heavy as hell, and r, the sound on "Carnivore Sublime / Brutalive The Sick" embodies the apocalyptic, soul-crushing brutality that is Benighted!  It is like a runaway 18-wheeler slamming through a concrete barrier and exploding on the freeway below... broken glass, metal grinding on pavement, and an ear-splitting thunderous impact!  It is everything a death metal should be!
• Major themes: Death, destruction, evil, darkness, violence, psychological disorders, suicide, murder, horror, etc.
• Tracks: 
  

"Carnivore Sublime":

1. "X2Y"
2. "Noise"
3. "Experience Your Flesh"
4. "Slaughter / Suicide"
5. "Spit"
6. "Defiled Purity"
7. "Jekyll"
8. "Collection Of Dead Portraits"
9. "Carnivore Sublime"
10. "Les Morsures Du Cerbère"
11. "June And The Laconic Solstice"

"Brutalive The Sick":

1. "X2Y"
2. "Noise"
3. "Let The Blood Spill Between My Broken Teeth"
4. "Collapse"
5. "Experience Your Flesh"
6. "Carnivore Sublime"
7. "Prey"
8. "Grind Wit"
9. "Fritzl"
10. "Collection Of Dead Portraits"
11. "Slaughter / Suicide"
12. "Slut"
13. "Asylum Cave"

Brew Info:

• Brewery: Epic Brewing Company (Salt Lake City, Utah)
• Website: http://www.epicbrewing.com/
• Brew: Big Bad Baptist Macaron
• Style: Imperial Stout
• Serving: 22 ounce bottle
• ABV: 13.2%
• Ingredients: Barrel-aged in whiskey casks: Marris Otter, 2-Row, Light Munich, Chocolate Malt, Black Malt, and Roasted Barley, Nugget, Chinook, and Cascade hops, Cacao Nibs, and Toasted Coconut
• Pour: The Big Bad Baptist Macaron pours a beautiful black... black as hell, black as the night sky, black as mud with a frothy and creamy, 2+ finger, mocha head with great retention and lots of sticky, intricate lacing.
• Nose: The nose is roasty, toasty, chocolatey, and boozy and is characterized by big aromas of bittersweet cooking chocolate, dark roasted espresso beans, toasted coconut, rich planting soil, vanilla beans, oak, rich bourbon, burnt toffee, along with hints of black licorice. 
• Taste: The taste of the Big Bad Baptist Macaron is boozy, sweet, nutty, roasty, and downright dark.  It is characterized by huge dark chocolate, nutty coconut, black coffee, rich bourbon, vanilla bean, caramel/toffee, a hint of black licorice, and molasses.
• Mouthfeel: Full-bodied with minimal carbonation, the mouthfeel is sticky, velvety, and chunky.  The finish is nice and chewy and velvety smooth with a dry mocha goodness that lingers, and very big, bold bourbon notes.

Overall pairing: The bold, rich, boozy flavors and aromas of the Big Bad Baptist Macaron are perfect for the intensity, aggression, and utter brutality of Benighted's killer "Carnivore Sublime / Brutalive The Sick"!  For a killer evening of kick-ass heavy as hell metal and deliciously bold, intense, and unique flavors, I highly recommend both the brew and the album! 

HAILS!!  Cheers!!

July 4th, 2026 - Welcome to Oberbräu Hell!

 

Hey there evil-doers, metal maniacs, and artisan beer freaks!  Happy Saturday!  I've got another killer pairing for you!  The Meista here donning my Venom Welcome to Hell t-shirt whilst rocking the hell out to the wonderful genius that is "Welcome To Hell", the debut album by the legendary Venom and a delicious and crisp Oberbräu Hell (that I purchased from a quaint little market in Düsseldorf, Germany) from the fine folks at Oberbräu Brewery!  Hell. Yes.  This pairing goes out to my buddy Jerm... cheers brother!!

Album Info:

• Artist: Venom
• Title: "Welcome To Hell"
• Recorded: 1981 at Impulse Studios in Newcastle, England
• Release date: December 1st, 1981 (1st full-length studio album by Venom)
• Record company: Neat Records 
• Production: Keith Nichol, Mickey Sweeney, and Steve Thompson
• Album cover art: Conrad Lant
• Personnel: Conrad Lant (aka Cronos) on bass guitar and lead vocals, Jeffery Dunn (aka Mantas) on guitars, and Anthony Bray (aka Abaddon) on drums 
• Additional personnel: uncredited Impulse Studios secretary (spoken word on "Sons Of Satan")
• Musical style: Heavy metal, proto-thrash metal, proto-black metal 
• Sound: The influence from "Welcome To Hell" cannot be overstated; multiple thrash metal, death metal, and black metal bands have sited this album as having inspired their work... a plethora of mayhem!  With tongue-in-cheek lyrics exploring Satanic and sexual themes (fully intent on scaring the crap out of clergy and parents alike) along with grinding rhythms and chainsaw guitar solos, with its raw, fiery sound, "Welcome To Hell" profoundly influenced thrash metalists of the '80s (especially the Germans) and the almost entirety of the Norwegian black metal scene in the early 1990s.  Marked by raw, powerful, and unadulterated aggressiveness, the album is a wonderful punch to the eardrums!  Songs like "Sons Of Satan", "Welcome To Hell", "Live Like An Angel (Die Like A Devil)", "One Thousand Days In Sodom", "Angel Dust", and "In League With Satan" demand every ounce of your attention and seem to torment your very soul! 
• Major themes: Evil, the occult, Satan, witchcraft, sin, horror, insanity, mythology, violence, hedonism, sexual depravity, drugs, etc.
• Tracks: 

1. "Sons Of Satan"
2. "Welcome To Hell"
3. "Schizo"
4. "Mayhem With Mercy"
5. "Poison"
6. "Live Like An Angel (Die Like A Devil)"
   
7. "Witching Hour"
8. "One Thousand Days In Sodom"
9. "Angel Dust"
10. "In League With Satan"
11. "Red Light Fever"

Brew Info:

• Brewery: Oberbräu Brewery (Holzkirchen, Bayern Germany)
• Website: https://oberbraeu.com/
• Brew: Oberbräu Hell
• Style: German Helles, Lager
• Serving: 16 ounce bottle
• ABV: 5.0% 
• IBUs: 20
• Ingredients: Water, barley malt, and hops
• Pour: The Oberbräu Hell pours a fairly clear, bright golden yellow hue with a bright white, 2+ finger, very frothy head with great retention and lots of sticky, intricate lacing.
• Nose: The nose is malty, grainy, and slightly sweet.  There are aromas of freshly baked doughy bread, crackery biscuit, pale malts, light herbs, a hint of wildflowers, and a splash of honey. 
• Taste: The taste of the Oberbräu Hell follows the nose with lots of malty, grainy, and slightly sweet flavors.  There are notes of bright, crackery grains, bready malts, and maybe a hint of apple.
• Mouthfeel: Light-bodied and well carbonated, the mouthfeel is very crisp, yet smooth with a dry, clean finish with low bitterness.

Overall pairing: The very crushable, very drinkable tastiness of the Oberbräu Hell is perfect for an evening of rocking the hell out to the insanely raw, aggressive, and monumentally influential power of Venom's "Welcome To Hell"!   Those bright, slightly sweet flavors are a great foil for the biting sarcasm while the malty backbone goes great with the depth of musicianship and inventiveness.  'Nuff said!

And make sure to check out the interview I did with the amazing and very friendly Jeff "Mantas" Dunn waaay back in 2020: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgQa6i1R91E

Cheers and hails!!

July 3rd, 2026 - Deep Inside the Liquid Spectrum of Traumatism

 

Bonsoir and happy Friday death metal maniacs, evil-doers, and hop freaks!  Let's get back to the metal!  The Meista here tonight rocking out with another great pairing... "Deep Inside / Traumatisme" the compilation album from criminally underrated Canadian death metal band Spasme and a delicious, juicy, and hoppy Liquid Spectrum Hazy IPA from the fine folks at Mother Earth Brewing Company!  Yes!!  This pairing is dedicated to the memories of Martin Lacroix and Jean-Sebastien Ouellette... RIP!

Album Info:

• Artist: Spasme
• Title: "Deep Inside / Traumatisme"
• Recorded: November 1995 at studio Sagaces in Amos, Québec, Canada, and September through October 1999 at Victor Studios in Montréal, Québec, Canada
• Release date: November 3rd, 2023 (compilation album released by Spasme collecting their first demo and first and only full-length studio album)
• Record company: Sewer Rot Records
• Production: 
• Album cover art: Martin Lacroix (artwork and band logo)
• Personnel: Jocelyn Beaupre (drums), Fredo (guitars), Martin Lacroix (vocals), Mathieu Marcotte (guitars), Jean-Sebastien Ouellette (bass), and Éric Theriault? listed as E.T. (vocals)
• Additional musicians: Patrick Loisel (keyboards), and Yves Mercier (keyboards) 
• Musical style: Technical death metal
• Sound: In the tradition of technical and experimental Canadian death metal bands like BlastFame, Gorguts, and Martyr, Spasme's sound incorporates old school death metal with more progressive and technical elements.  It is a wonderful sonic paradox of brutality and technical progressive exploration!
• Major themes: Death, violence, fear, horror, terror, insanity, trauma, etc.
• Tracks: 

1. "Deep Inside (Part 1)"
2. "The Attack (Part 2)"
3. "Buried Alive"
4. "Traumatized"
   
5. "Earth, War And Fire"
6. "The Corner Of My Ceiling"
7. "Casuals Of Brutality"
8. "Living Terror"
9. "Outro"
10. "Nowhere Destination" (Traumatisme Demo 1995)
11. "Carnage" (Traumatisme Demo 1995)
12. "Casual Brutality" (Traumatisme Demo 1995)
13. "Secte" (Traumatisme Demo 1995)
14. "Sickly Deranged" (Traumatisme Demo 1995)
15. "Traumatism" (Traumatisme Demo 1995)

Brew Info:

• Brewery: Mother Earth Brewing Company (Vista, California and Nampa, Idaho)
• Website: https://www.motherearthbrewco.com/
• Brew: Liquid Spectrum Hazy IPA 
• Style: New England-style Hazy India Pale Ale (NEIPA)
• Serving: 16 ounce can
• ABV: 7.2%
• IBUs: 25
• Ingredients: Strata, Galaxy, Mosaic, and Nelson hops
• Pour: The Liquid Spectrum Hazy IPA pours a very hazy, pale golden-yellow hue with a frothy, bright white, 1-finger head with good retention and sudsy, sticky lacing.
• Nose: The nose is very citrusy and tropical with more subtle floral and malt elements.  There are aromas of tangerine, freshly squeezed orange juice, orange zest, lemon zest, grapefruit rind, bright mango, stone fruit (soft peach and dried apricot), wildflowers, freshly picked and cut strawberries, bubblegum, and soft caramel/toffee.
• Taste: Fruit-forward and very juicy, the taste of the Liquid Spectrum Hazy IPA is citrusy, fruity, and slightly sweet.  There are notes of tangerine, orange juice, orange pith, lime, mango, a hint of pineapple, sweet peach, ripe strawberries, and light honey.
• Mouthfeel: Medium to full-bodied with moderate carbonation, the mouthfeel is very crisp and very juicy, yet smooth and creamy with a dry, slightly sweet, slightly boozy, pillowy-soft finish.

Overall pairing: The Liquid Spectrum Hazy IPA from Mother Earth Brewing is a punchy, yet very smooth, drinkable, and refreshing hoppy brew... great for pairing with the heavy hitting death metal punch that was the legendary Spasme!  The citrusy hops and sweet fruit elements of the beer work well as a foil to the aggression of the band's performance "Deep Inside / Traumatisme" and the bitterness of fantastic lyricism and intricate note progressions!  'Nuff said!

Cheers and hails!! 

July 2nd, 2026 - Oh Yeah! I Dare You!

Hello and happy Thursday rockers, rollers, and craft beer lovers!  A little break from my usual metal albums. The Meista here today paring "Dare", the imaginative and compelling 3rd album by The Human League with a tart and tasty Oh Yeah! Sour Ale from Prairie Artisan Ales!

Album Info:

• Artist: The Human League
• Title: "Dare"
• Recorded: March through September 1981 at Genetic Sound in Streatley, Berkshire, U.K.
  Release date: October 16th, 1981 (3rd studio album by The Human League)
• Record company: Virgin Records 
• Production: Martin Rushent and The Human League)
• Album cover art: Ken Ansell (cover layout and coordination), Brian Aris (photography), Philip Oakey (cover design), and Philip Adrian Wright (cover design) 
• Personnel: Ian Burden (synthesizers), Jo Callis (synthesizers), Joanne Catherall (vocals), Philip Oakey (lead vocals and synthesizers), Susan Ann Sulley (vocals), and Philip Adrian Wright (slides and occasional synthesizer)
• Additional musicians: Dave Allen (programming) and Martin Rushent (programming)
• Musical style: New wave, synth pop, electropop, art rock 
• Sound: While a little less experimental and more commercial than their previous two albums, "Dare" is still unique, compelling, artistic, and pushed the boundaries of modern music at that time.  Oakey's compositions and lyrical approach is masterful and the band's musical prowess and approach is truly stunning!
• Major themes: Dreams, love, relationships, modern life, society, desire, loss, etc.
• Tracks:  

1. "The Things That Dreams Are Made Of"
2. "Open Your Heart"
3. "The Sound Of The Crowd"
4. "Darkness"
   
5. "Do Or Die"
6. "Get Carter"
7. "I Am the Law"
8. "Seconds"
9. "Love Action (I Believe In Love)"
10. "Don't You Want Me"

Brew Info:

• Brewery: Prairie Artisan Ales (Oklahoma)
• Website: https://prairieales.com/
• Brew: Oh Yeah!
• Style: Fruited Sour Ale
• Serving: 12 ounce can
• ABV: 5.8%
• Ingredients: Sour ale brewed with Tropical Punch Kool-Aid
• Pour: The Oh Yeah! pours a very cloudy, bright pinkish-red hue with a frothy, 1+ finger, light pink head that slowly dissipates to a thin ring with light lacing.
• Nose: The nose is fruity, sweet, and rather tart.  There are aromas of fruit punch, cherry juice, cherry soda, raspberry jam, lemon juice, and a hint of honey.
• Taste: The taste of the Oh Yeah! follows the nose with juicy, fruity, tart, and sweet flavors.  There are notes of Tropical Punch Kool-Aid, lemon juice and zest, a splash of cranberry juice, a splash of honey, and very subtle graininess.
• Mouthfeel: Light to medium in body and well-carbonated, the mouthfeel is very sweet, tart, and crisp, juicy and refreshing, yet smooth with a sweet, juicy and lip-puckering tart finish.

Overall pairing: The Prairie Oh Yeah! is a bright, sweet, tart, and very crushable brew that works perfectly well with the innovative and inviting electronic sounds of The Human League's brilliant "Dare" album!  Those complex, sweet, and tart fruit flavors really work well with the overall vibe of the album's tracks!  'Nuff said!

Cheers!!

June 28th, 2026 - Spiritual Gangster Healing

 

Hello and happy Sunday, metal brethren!  The Right Reverend Meista here today getting some religion with a pairing of Death's classic and essential "Spiritual Healing" and a bright and juicy Spiritual Gangster Hazy IPA from the fine folks at Revision Brewing Company!  Hell yeah... I mean, can't I get an amen?!

Album Info:

• Artist: Death
• Title: "Spiritual Healing"
• Recorded: 1989 at Morrisound Recording in Tampa Bay, Florida
• Release date: February 16th, 1990 (3rd studio album by Death)
• Record company: Combat Records / Relapse Records
• Production: Chuck Schuldiner and Eric Greif
• Album cover art: Ed Repka
• Personnel: Bill Andrews (drums), Terry Butler (bass), James Murphy (guitars), and Chuck Schuldiner (guitars and vocals)
• Additional musicians: Eric Greif (Kawai K1 keyboards on "Spiritual Healing")
• Musical style: Death metal
• Sound: A bit more melodic and progressive than their previous work, yet still heavy and aggressive as hell, the sound on "Spiritual Healing" is the next evolutionary step in the brilliant sound of the mighty Death!  Just look at that lineup... you know it is going to kill!  Everything about this album is pure early death metal magic!
• Major themes: Taking a more socio-political approach, the lyrics on "Spiritual Healing" deal with corruption, televangelism, abortion, genetics, addiction, rage, etc. 
• Tracks: 

1. "Living Monstrosity"
2. "Altering The Future"
3. "Defensive Personalities"
4. "Within The Mind"
5. "Spiritual Healing"
6. "Low Life"
7. "Genetic Reconstruction"
8. "Killing Spree"

Brew Info:

• Brewery: Revision Brewing Company (Sparks, Nevada) 
• Website: https://revisionbrewing.com/
• Brew: Spiritual Gangster Hazy IPA
• Style: New England-style Hazy India Pale Ale (NEIPA)
• Serving: 16 ounce can
• ABV: 6.5%
• IBUs: 35
• Pour: The Spiritual Gangster Hazy IPA pours a very hazy golden-yellow hue with a frothy, bright white, half-finger head with good retention and sudsy, sticky lacing.
• Nose: The nose is very citrusy ant tropical with more subtle floral and malt elements.  There are aromas of bright tangerine, mandarin oranges, lemon zest, lime juice and peel, grapefruit rind, bright mango, freshly cut melon, wildflowers, light pine resin, freshly cut hay, and soft caramel/toffee.
• Taste: Hop-forward and very juicy, the taste of the Spiritual Gangster Hazy IPA is citrusy, fruity, and slightly sweet.  There are notes of bright tangerine, mandarin orange juice, cantaloupe, lime, mango, light pineapple, guava, resiny pine, and light toffee.
• Mouthfeel: Medium to full-bodied with moderate carbonation, the mouthfeel is very crisp and very juicy, yet smooth and creamy with a dry, slightly sweet, and mildly bitter finish.

Overall pairing: One of the most important death metal albums in the history of metal deserves a brew of complex and bold character... and today that beer is Revision's Spiritual Gangster Hazy IPA!  Those punchy hops are great for the aggression and power that is the mighty Death!!

Cheers and hails to the memory of Chuck!!

June 27th, 2026 - Into the Void that is Oblivion

 

Good evening evil-doers, metal maniacs, and hopheads!  The Meista here tonight with another killer pairing for ya!  Let's get a little evil and do some heavy duty headbangin' with "Into Oblivion", the latest album by legendary metal veterans Venom and an Into the Void IPA from Roha Brewing Project!  Hell yeah!

Album Info:

• Artist: Venom
• Title: "Into Oblivion"
• Recorded: 
• Release date: May 1st, 2026 (15th studio album by Venom)
• Record company: Noise Records
• Production: Conrad T. Lant
• Album cover art: Nathan Goldsworthy (photography) and Conrad T. Lant (design concept) 
• Personnel: Conrad "Cronos" Lant (bass and vocals), Danny "Danté" Needham (drums), and Stuart "Rage" Dixon (guitars) 
• Musical style: Thrash metal, speed metal, black metal
• Sound: Fast, furious, raw, and aggressive, this is pure, classic Venom!  Sure, maybe there's nothing really new here in terms of subject matter or approach, but it kicks ass like only Venom does!
• Major themes: Death, violence, war, the occult, Satan, evil, darkness, hell, heavy metal, rebellion, life, etc.
• Tracks: 

1. "Into Oblivion"
2. "Lay Down Your Soul"
3. "Nevermore"
4. "Man & Beast"
5. "Death The Leveller"
6. "As Above, So Below"
7. "Kicked Outta Hell"
8. "Legend"
9. "Leve Loud"
10. "Metal Bloody Metal"
11. "Dogs Of War"
12. "Deathwitch"
13. "Unholy Mother"

Brew Info:

• Brewery: Roha Brewing Project (Salt Lake City, Utah)
• Website: https://rohabrewing.com/
• Brew: Brewers Select: Into the Void IPA
• Style: India Pale Ale (IPA) 
• Serving: 16 ounce can
• ABV: 6.9%
• Pour: The Into the Void IPA pours a hazy, golden-orange hue with an off-white, 1-finger head with good retention and soapy, sticky lacing.
• Nose: The nose is citrusy, malty, herbal, and somewhat dank.  There are aromas of grapefruit rind, tangerine, lime zest, herbal tea, a hint of wild onions, fresh herbs, wildflowers, toasted malts, and soft caramel/toffee.
• Taste: Following the nose, the taste of the Into the Void IPA is a well-balanced blend of pronounced hoppy and malty flavors.  There are notes of pink grapefruit juice, orange pith, black tea, toasted malts, and soft caramel/toffee.
• Mouthfeel: Medium to full-bodied and moderately carbonated, the mouthfeel is crisp, yet somewhat thick with a dry, slightly bitter finish.

Overall pairing: I think the hoppy and bold complexity of Roha's Into the Void IPA is perfect for the powerful and aggressive heavy metal beast that is Venom's "Into Oblivion"!  Those citrus flavors go well with the fiery guitars, while the more bitter notes go well with the darker lyrical subject matter and the intense wails of the mighty Cronos!  'Nuff said!

HAILS!!  Keep it craft and keep it heavy!