Minions of Cobra... and metal maniacs and hop heads of all ages! It is I, Cobra Commander! I've commandeered this silly blog from that bubbling fool, the Meista to post the only pairing that matters... "Cold Slither", the kick-ass, self-titled debut album by Cold Slither, a band that I masterfully created, produced, and promoted and a hoppy and delicious Hop Venom Double IPA from the slaves of Cobra at Boneyard Beer! Hell yeah!!
Album Info:
- Artist: Cold Slither
- Title: "Cold Slither"
- Recorded: 2025
- Release date: July 25th, 2025 (1st studio album by Cold Slither)
- Record company: Reigning Phoenix Music (now a subsidiary of Cobra)
- Production: Gus Rios, who will claim he produced this album, but it was me, Cobra Commander!
- Album cover art: Steve Beach (as "persuaded" by Destro and Dr. Mindbender)
- Personnel: Buzzer aka Andy Selway (drums), Ripper aka Matt Harvey (guitars), Torch aka Ross Sewage (guitars), and Zartan aka Gus Rios (bass and lead vocals)
- Musical style: Heavy metal, hard rock, glam metal
- Sound: Steeped in 1980s metal and hard rock, the sound on "Cold Slither" is as rockin' as it is nostalgic! Sure, this is silly, but silliness perfectly executed by master musicians from the likes of Exhumed, Ghoul, Gruesome, Impaled, Left To Die, KMFDM, Pounder, etc.! While the lyrics may be silly, the music and musical prowess of these guys is definitely not... the guitars are fiery, the bass is heavy, and the drums are thunderous!
- Major themes: With songs based on mid-1980s G.I. Joe (clowns!) cartoon plots, themes on the album include anti-establishment, rebellion, mind control, the unstoppable Cobra, the Dreadnoks, crime, light terrorism, revenge, new world order, greed, danger, etc.
- Tracks:
- "Welcome To The Swamp (Intro)"
- "Cold Slither"
- "Knock 'Em Dead"
- "Thunder Machine"
- "Zartan's Revenge"
- "Snakes On The Bayou"
- "Torched"
- "Under The Dreadnok's Spell"
- "Master Of Disguise"
- "The Ballad Of Buzzer"
- "These Fluffies Are Fatal"
Brew Info:
- Brewery: Boneyard Beer (Bend, Oregon)
- Website: https://boneyardbeer.com/
- Brew: Hop Venom Double IPA
- Style: Double India Pale Ale (DIPA)
- Serving: 12 ounce can
- ABV: 9.0%
- IBUs: 60
- Ingredients: Simcoe, Centennial, Chinook, and CTZ hops
- Pour: The Hop Venom pours a hazy, amber hue with a frothy, off-white, 1-finger head with good retention and lots of sticky, intricate lacing.
- Nose: The nose is citrusy, dank, earthy, herbal, malty, and floral. There are aromas of tangerine, orange zest, grapefruit rind, pine resin, cedar, fresh herbs, wildflowers, and burnt toffee.
- Taste: The taste of the Hop Venom follows the nose with lots of punchy, hop-forward, citrusy, herbal, and malty flavors. There are notes of tangerine, pink grapefruit juice, light mango, pine, black tea, burnt toffee, and bitter herbs.
- Mouthfeel: Medium to full-bodied and moderately carbonated, the Hop Venom's mouthfeel is very crisp and hoppy with a dry, slightly bitter finish.
Overall pairing: The punchy and aggressive, yet fruity and complex flavors and aromas of the Hop Venom Double IPA is sure to get you all charged up for the (snake) pit! And that my friends is exactly the kind of beer you want when blasting the highly intense, powerfully rockin' sonic punch that is the mighty and indelible Cold Slither! I also think the album artwork and the can label work well together.
Hail Cobra!! I will rule this world, and you will all bow before me!
"We're Cold Slither; you'll be joining us soon. A band of vipers playin' our tune. With an iron fist/ And a reptile hiss/ We shall rule! CHORUS: We're tired of words! We've heard it before. We're not gonna play the game no more! Don't tell us what's right, don't tell us what's wrong! Too late to resist, 'cause Cobra is strong. We're Cold Slither, heavy metal machine Through the eyes of a lizard king you will dream. When the venom stings/ A new order brings/ Our control!"
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